See? That's my sick sense of humor and I really am joking. I adore my cats and could never do anything to harm them.
Since I've already introduced you to Bob, I'll let you get to know Lucy now.
Lucy and Bob are sisters, but are nothing alike except that they both have cat parts. Where Bob is very loving and will purr if she's even in the same room with you because she loves being in the same location as you THAT MUCH. Lucy rarely purrs and is more aloof. When she wants to be petted, she'll let you know and for the love of all things holy, don't try before then because she will be extremely put out.
She's also not very photogenic..not because she's an ugly cat, but more because she runs from the camera because it scares her. Maybe she thinks it will steal her soul.
She's scared of a lot of things, actually. Any sudden noise will make her run from the room. Cats like her are the reason why the phrase "scaredy-cat" was coined.
This next picture of Lucy pretty much sums up her whole personality.
She is at that age where she just doesn't give a damn anymore. If she was a dude from New Jersey, she'd be saying, "Why you gotta keep bustin' my balls? Always in my face with that camera. A guy's tryin' to relax on the sofa and youse always buggin' me. Get outta here." And then she'd scratch her crotch and adjust herself.
Right now she's asleep, curled up on the floor beside me on top of an afghan that I bought to sell. The cats decided that it didn't need to be sold and they've now homesteaded on it. She's not purring because she's in the same room with me, but she does look pretty darn peaceful and content. And I know in her crotchety old-man way, she really loves me as much as I love her.