Wednesday, January 26, 2011

How I Got Really Cheap Glasses

A couple of weeks ago, I ordered a pair of glasses, because my old glasses were about 10 years old.  I know that's horribly old, but I usually wear contacts so there really wasn't a need for glasses.  But over the past couple of years, I've noticed that when I have my contacts in, it's getting harder and harder for me to see up close.  I know you're all thinking that it's because of age, but IT'S NOT!  I think it's because aliens implanted something in my head that's interfering with my vision. 

So, my new glasses got here the other day and I've been wearing them ever since.  Why?  Well, for one thing they're the only pair of glasses I've ever owned that I actually like.  Plus, when I'm working on art it's much easier for me to take off my glasses and see what I'm doing, rather than trying to keep up with a pair of reading glasses.   

You know why else I wear them all the time?  They make me look smart. 

Me derpin' my new spectacles. 
Okay.  So maybe smart isn't the right word. 

The best part?   I only paid 20 bucks for these glasses.  And they're prescription glasses.  TWENTY!  I was a little nervous at buying 20 dollar glasses, but I really do like them.   Of course, they're plastic lenses and frames, but they do have the springy temple thingies which is good for people like me who have ginormous heads. 

I ordered these from Zenni Optical and now that I'm happy with this pair, I'm going to order more.  They're cheap!  Plus, it only took a couple of weeks to get them.  And ordering is super easy - you just have to know your prescription and your pupil distance (which you can measure yourself).  And even if you don't need prescription glasses, you could still just buy a cute un-prescripted pair to wear. 

I think I just made up the word, "un-prescripted". 

I promise I'm not getting any money for pimping Zenni - although, if you Zenni people are reading this, feel free to toss some loose change my way. 


Thursday, January 13, 2011

I Can Handle It, Okay?

Yesterday in a fit of domesticity, I was sweeping the hallway and backed into the closet door. During the simultaneous backing and sweeping, I somehow managed to get the door handle stuck through the center, back belt loop of my jeans.  The handle looks as such: 

Not the actual handle, but close to what it looks like.  It would take effort to take a picture of the actual lever, and I don't think any of you are surprised that absolutely no effort is put into this blog. 

I tried scooching my butt to the side so I could free myself, but my belt loop kept hanging up on the curled part of the handle.  Plus, I couldn't see what was going on and I was having to work behind my back which made things even more difficult.   

After a couple of minutes of trying to extricate myself, I started to panic. It was 3 hours before Eric would be home. There was no way I could take off my jeans. My phone wasn't in reach for me to call someone to come set my ass free (literally), and I seriously doubted that our two cats would be able to extricate me or go for help. In fact, they're so fat and lazy, they'd probably pass out from sheer exhaustion before they got halfway down the driveway (plus, they're horrible with directions).

I was beginning to worry about how I could possibly entertain myself for three hours while being attached to a door, but more importantly, what if I had to pee???  And then I thought that some chick being freed from the closet door by the UPS man who heard her screams for help, would make for a really, really bad porno scenario.  So, if you're in the market to make a really, really bad porno, feel free to totally steal this idea. 

Anyway, back to my predicament. 

I suppose that all that panic created a little bit of an adrenalin rush, because I somehow managed to rip the door off the hinges.  WITH MY ASS. 

Okay, that was a big, fat lie.  The reality is that with a few more panic-induced tries and a string of words that would make a longshoreman blush, I was finally able to loosen myself from the door handle. 

I don't really think there's a moral to this story except to maybe watch where you're sticking your backside. 

Hope you have a great day free from freak door mishaps!