Thursday, August 25, 2011

And the Sign Said...

After I'd posted my Yard Sale Rules, Julie from Entirely Apropos, made a comment about how terrible yard sale signs are.  She's 100% right.  Most yard sale signs are horrible.  I thought that yard sale signage needed a post all on it's own, because there have been too many times in my life that I've gotten lost due to some poophead's inability to make a proper yard sale sign. 

First the basics. 

The above arrow means turn left.  You should place these signs at the intersection where we should actually turn left, not 3 blocks away.  

This next arrow means turn right.  Follow the same placement instructions as the left arrow.  

This arrow means "straight ahead".  You should use it when you live four miles off the paved road and you want to let us know that we should keep going straight even though we're getting a little worried that we're driving in the exact location that Deliverance was filmed. 

The next arrow means "go to hell", and it's just not very nice to tell people who might buy your used bowling shoes to go to hell.   Were you raised by wolves?

If you want everyone to think that your yard sale is too good for normal arrows, you may use the following pointers.  

You are not allowed to use these graphics to indicate where we should turn.  

Please make sure that all of the pertinent information is visible by someone driving a car at approximately 35 miles per hour.  The higher the speed limit is, the larger your sign should be.  

This next sign is the type that causes wrecks, whiplash, general frustration and lots of cussing. We have to slam on our breaks to read the address you wrote 2000% smaller than the rest of your sign, you big buttface.  

If your handwriting sucks, have someone else write the sign.  This sign is not acceptable.  

Finally, once your yard sale is finished and you're taking the leftovers to the thrift store, dumpster or down the road to leave them in your neighbors front yard, take down your signs.  The next time I follow a yard sale sign only to discover that the sale was three weeks ago, I will come to your house and kick you in the shins and possible poke you in the eye.  The carnage will be horrific, people.  

Be Happy,


  1. OMG you are soooo right on!! That is exactly one of the reasons, i don't go to yard sales any more unless I see them on Craigs list and put them in my GPS....because of all of these butt head signs....the worst, the sign is up and the sale was weeks ago, move over, my turn to kick them in the shins! Thank you for entering my giveaway, good luck!